"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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