My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
