More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
