Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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