My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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