Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
