I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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