I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
