the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
