woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
