It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
