you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
