her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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