I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
