omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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