Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
