I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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