I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
