Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
