I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
