I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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