the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
