She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
