I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
