His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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