Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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