Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
