Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
