You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
