So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
