Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
