my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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