i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
