so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
