I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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