he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
