apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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