i permit you to call me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
