3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
