Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
