it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
