everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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