her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
