o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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