forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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