I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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