just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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