He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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