Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
