He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
